Digger assumed in the comments to my last post that my anger regarding the enforced celibacy was given voice on my wedding night.
As I responded. . . it most certainly was NOT.
He also asked whether I was into self-denial or anticipation. Fair questions.
I find pleasure in both things. Intense physical and mental longing is deeply stimulating and erotic.
Feeling disregarded and inconsequential, however, isn't.
The problem in my case was not the celibacy itself. It was the way in which the decision was arrived at: "I've decided." The supporting argument, "Because of God," is not one that allows for negotiation, even if I were a skillful enough negotiator to wrangle any concessions from The Boy. Which. . . notsomuch.
If The Boy had come to me and said, "Hey, I was wondering if you'd consider. . . ," the celibacy outcome would've been no different. But it would have allowed the situation to be one where there was more room for anticipation (there was anticipation at the time, but it was, admittedly, crowded by other feelings), and room at all for SELF-denial.
If I'd felt like the impact on me was considered, even if it did not ultimately hold the greater weight in the overall decision, the experience would've been entirely different.
3 comments:
Thanks for clarifying that whole thing up. It does shed a lot more light on the fact that it was less of a conversation and more of a declaration. I can see why you'd be pissed, especially if that is the way he is prone to doing all things that might affect the both of you.
Yeah, that's not a good way to start a marriage.
I'll try to go easy and not project so much of my own evil nature and malice on to YOUR blog!;-)
At some point, I'd entertain a "Why I stay in this marriage" post, but I still need to hear how bad it really is. So far I got:
- Inconsiderate
- Stubborn
- Good Catholic
- Bad in bed
- Controlling
- Insecure
And then there's something about keeping up appearances. I can see where that would be amazingly stifling. Which is why we blog!
I think you do have a story to tell and I'm keen to read it if you're willing to tell it. Sorry my advice isn't very good, but at least I'm not charging you anything!
D.
Your advice is fine, and very welcome!
If I want sunshine blown up my ass, well, I have girlfriends for that.
Interesting story thus far and vaguely familiar in some ways. Look forward to reading more.
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